Notes from both weeks “Necessary Endings” video with Dr. Henry Cloud

Necessary Endings • Dr. Henry Cloud • video length 48 minutes
The lyrics to the Byrds song “Turn, Turn, Turn” can be found at the bottom of this page


Is there an area of your life that you wish was better? Why is that not happening?

“Sometimes the biggest enemy of my tomorrow is something I’m doing today – something that has to end for me to get there.”

The anatomy of endings:

The thing that needs to end may not be wrong
… it might be something that was good in its time,
… but the season for it has passed

You prune something so that it can become all that it can be
… not just once, but as a regular discipline
… and you prune with a vision of what result you want

Three things that horticulturists know about pruning:
① Sometimes a bush produces more buds then it can feed

②  Cut away things that are sick and won’t get well
• resisting growth
• not participating
• not cooperating

Sometimes there also need to be endings:
• endings to the ways we’ve been trying to help someone
•  endings to stopping things out of fear…
… say no to fear
… stop stopping and just start!

③ Get rid of parts that are dead and just taking up space, time and energy

So why don’t we make changes?
• “I might need that sometime!” (denial)
• Emotional attachments to the past (and fear of letting go)
• Assuming that we know how it’s all going to turn out – and that nothing can be changed


Turn! Turn! Turn!
The Byrds • 1965
Lyrics from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrainfrom embracing
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late!