“How We Love” series overview and session outlines

▲ A short clip from this series. Outlines for each session of this series can be found below

Series introduction

For better or for worse, our early life experiences, for better or worse, teach us how to love. Stumbling over the same irksome “dance steps” in their relationships, people usually have no clue there’s another way – a better way. Using attachment theory, in the “How We Love” series, experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich deliver the tools to take your relationships to the next level, starting today.

You can purchase the entire series on DVD, as well as the book, atwww.howwelove.com. You’ll also see there a new version of the video series, as well as a workbook, both called “How We Love for Singles.” You can learn about or take the related quiz on attachment/love styles here.

“How We Love” session ①
See outline below

“How We Love” session 
The “Avoider” attachment style

See outline

“How We Love” session 
The “Pleaser” attachment style
See outline

“How We Love” session ④
The “Vacillator” attachment style
See outline

“How We Love” session 
The “Controller” and “Victim” attachment styles

See outline

“How We Love” session 
Style combinations

See outline

“How We Love” session ⑦
Therapy, Extended Listening and the Comfort Circle
includes the therapy session with Ferrin and Rebecca

“How We Love” session 
Therapy, Dating, and Holding Time

includes the therapy session with Dusty

“How We Love” session 
Questions and Answers

See outline (coming soon)
In this session, Milan refers to a podcast called “When Two Aren’t One.”
You can listen to that here

There are blog posts on the “How We Love” site on some of the attachment styles in this series, including Avoiders (part one and part two), Pleasers, and Vacillators.

If you’re benefiting from our weekly relationship support groups, we hope you’ll set up a recurring financial gift – or make a one-time donation – to support everything we do. You can do that here.

Please note that, for copyright reasons, we are not able to post the videos from this series on our web site. We’ve prepared outlines for each session that you can view below.

Outline for Session 1: Introduction

This series was taped before a live audience at Woodcrest Church in Columbia, Missouri in about 2011

Today’s “How We Love” topics, all related to family-of-origin issues:
• Introduction
• Comfort Question
• Bonding Circles

Attachment styles (or love styles) are a new paradigm for understanding relationships

Think on three levels when considering this material:
• you and your family of origin
• you and your current relationship(s)
• you and your children

Couples often recognize the SYMPTOMS of relationship problems but rarely understand the CAUSES

Question to consider: Do you have a memory of comfort during your first eighteen years, where a parent noticed that you were emotionally distressed? Were you listened to and asked questions about the incident, and how you were feeling?

(Scribble down your own answer for possible discussion later!)

This series is about the “one anothers” in the Bible and in life

During childhood, more is CAUGHT than TAUGHT

Did your family encourage – or discourage – expressions of feelings?

Not being heard or comforted as children can lead to many problems in adult life (shame, humiliation, isolation, addictions)

The secure attachment style
• high levels of self-awareness
• able to identify feelings and emotional states
• can bring those to someone else
• expects to be listened to and valued
• can ask for help or action
• knows how to bond
• can tolerate separation
• can integrate good and bad – in self and others
• can be in charge – or submit to others in charge

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